10. Drizzy Drake
Surprise niggas! Ya boy Young Angel is bizzack like he forgot his lip balms. Ayo yall remember the reactions niggas had when they seen those pictures that the nigga Jay-Z threw up on the Summer Jam screen of Prodigy dressed up like Mike Jackson? Niggas looked at that shit like it was pictures of son doin cartwheels in a bikini yo. Niggas thought that niggas career got dealt a deathblow wit that shit nahmean. N maybe it did kinda shake my nigga up namsayin....I dont know. But in the meantime this merry little muthafucka right here got pictures of hisself sittin on broads laps n more pictures of hisself embracin other dudes than any nigga known to man...n he STILL goin on wit life like that shit all good. Cos aint nobody SHOCKED when they see the sus nigga wit liquid vagina flowin thru his veins doin that shit namsayin. Niggas practically EXPECT that shit from son namsayin. But when you compare the MJ costume to this Farnsworth Bentley of Middle Earth look....you really cant see nothin that wrong wit the Prodigy pictures no more son. Either way...when it comes to Aubs you are lookin at the most softboiled creature on Gods green earth yo. This niggas music is so light in the ass that if you look real close at ya speakers when you playin his joints you can see tiny little heart bubbles comin outta em son.
9. Big Sean
I buy a lot a music son so it aint unusual for Tone to end up coppin shit n then givin it away or throwin it out the window while Im drivin n shit namsayin. I try to give niggas a chance. I even held this niggas cd in my hand n looked at it like I dont kno.... should I drop 8 bucks on this shit n give son a clean slate? I ended up puttin it down n coppin the Curren$y joint after I came back to my senses n shit tho. But I ended up hearin it anyway namsayin. To be honest wit yalls...I was kinda feelin most those beats. But I cant get past this niggas rhymin yo. What really had me shakin my head n questionin the niggas sanity was son had the nerve to call those bars he spit on the BET awards wit them other g.o.o.d. music niggas the "verse of the year". Like forreal forreal....this nigga is outta his fuckin mind son. Nigga said in plain english "tell me that wasnt verse of the year" on his So Much More joint. That shit wasnt even the verse of that cipher son....nevermind year! Its possible that the only nigga that didnt spit nicer bars was Kanye. But I think that nigga Ye actually went off the head wit summa that shit. To make shit even worse tho the nigga Kanye recently said "What Beyonce is to R&B...Big Sean can be to rap." That is a quote son. In reality this nigga aint got a original bone in his body so he aint gon ever be the Beyonce of rap....but how his own boss comparin him to broads yo? Yeah yeah I kno niggas heard sons supa dupa shit n ran wit it...................... baton. But other niggas was doin that shit when Medium Sean was still a fetus anyways yo. Go ask Sean Price. Either way tho....it aint like I hate this nigga. But he need to stop the diva shit n all the talk bout wantin to be famous n jus make some decent music or some shit nahmean.
8. Kanye West
Now I got nothin but love for the nigga Yeezy nahmean. I jus wanna make that shit very clear yo. Son is a genius n he a muthafuckin animal when he get in the studio namsayin. That nigga will bite the head off a dove when he in the booth son. Son aint really the most lyrical nigga on earth like that...but he got a lot of heart n charisma namsayin. Nevermind what that nigga do when he behind the boards son....I aint even gotta tell you he gets busy g. I love this niggas music son. BUT this muthafucka done put on womens garments one too many times to not get called out for it son. This niggas drivin his gender mobile in the middle of the freeway wit no regards for which way the traffic is goin AT ALL b. This nigga aint jus gon be rockin the entire Chanel spring collection n not catch no flack for that shit nahmean. The nigga dont only throw on a couple questionable accessories here n there tho...he actually dresses straight up in shit that was designed for broads like he jus dont give a fuck namsayin. I cant condone that shit son. I been known to rock some elegant shit from time to time too son but this nigga done put the flame back in flamboyant yo. That shit aint even unisex my nigga. Cmon son. Crossdressin aint fly son. Fuck is you doin Ye?
7. J. Cole
Now before all yall Cole stans who been lookin past this nigga's boring ass songs for years start cryin over this shit like you in a Trey Songz video....hear me out yo. I kno the nigga can spit. I kno he got a couple dope production wins under his belt too. But despite all that....its like this niggas been readin from Memphis Bleek's book on '100 Ways To Fail Even When Ya Mentor Is The Biggest Nigga In Hip Hop' all this time son. Also why this nigga always gotta have a facial expression lookin like somebody jus stole his bike n shit? Is this nigga capable of a genuine moment of happiness yo? I dont think so son. This niggas own shadow gets depressed from hangin round his bitter ass. But when he do try n make some party type shit for the broads that shit jus ends up soundin unnatural as fuck anyway. For example the niggas got absolutely no clue what he spose to be doin on shit like Work Out. Son was like...."Uhhh...bitches love old Paula Abdul shit...Imma jus sing some old Paula Abdul shit rite here..." n lost his composure all over that shit yo. Lets jus accept the fact that the nigga is too emotionally delicate to pull this shit off. Son aint the second comin of Nas like niggas was hypin him up to be. Nas was on like 4 joints before he dropped. his first album. 2 of those shits ended up on Illmatic. Illmatic had 10 tracks. 1 a those tracks was a intro. You see where Im goin wit this? This nigga got like 40 to 50 joints out n his label still aint NOWHERE ready to drop a album based off what he givin em. I wanna see this nigga win but its lookin like he need to call his next mixtape False Alarm. Tone feels ya pain Jigga.
6. Lil Wayne
I aint never really had no problems wit Weezy namsayin. But son is forcin niggas hands yo. We see pictures of son french kissin Baby....niggas pardon that. He allows Nicki Minaj to release music n hop on remixes 5 times a day for the last 2 years...niggas pardon that. He allows wack ass Gudda Gudda to continue to eat....niggas pardon that. Drake............we pardoned that. He even puts out a bullshit ass "rock" album.....n niggas pardoned that too. But when that nigga set foot in the booth to croon a ballad called "How To Love"....n expected niggas to really not take offense to the shit he was doin....ayo Wayne we got problems now son. Somebody needs to go stomp the braids off this niggas head yesterday son. This shit is NOT okay yo. How you gon jus out-soft that nigga Drizzy anyway? I thought yalls was family nahmean. You kno damm well thats ya boys lane. But you even took it further than him. I mean that nigga Aubrey got his own set of feminine tendencies to cope wit but he aint never sat down n sang a whole fruity ass love ballad over some Wyclef bathin in the waters of his idols type guitar chords n shit son. You really went too far nigga. Son you was a animal back in like '04 to '07. Bring back that nigga or some shit son.
5. Soulja Boy
Aka the 2011 Mr Bojangles. This nigga also deserves recognition as the coon of the decade namsayin. I dont even kno how muthafuckas listen to this niggas music....nevermind callin that shit hip hop. If it was 1930 this nigga would be rockin a necklace made of chicken legs n pigs feet n be tap dancin on watermelons for a livin. Anyways...sons music is only technically hip hop....like drinkin a beer wit a straw n a umbrella in the bottle is technically drinkin a beer namsayin. Hidin behind 50 Cent wont protect you from ya own bitchassness tho son. This nigga been germinatin in the garden of wackness for a hot minute now. This nigga done splashed hisself wit enough water from the fountain of coonery to last 12 lifetimes. Stop givin this nigga a pass jus cos he young. Muthafuckin Run DMC was around this niggas age when they made King Of Rock yo. LL Cool J was on his first comeback when he was this niggas age yo. NWA made Fuck The Police when they was this niggas age son. You cant hide behind youth forever you clown ass muthafucka. If I see you Imma smack the slaves outta you nigga. Its open season on you son.
4. Bow wow
This nigga rite here is a human bellybutton son. The only form of touch this nigga is capable of is a caress namsayin. Fuck outta here wit the fake Nino Brown shit too you shrimp cocktail ass nigga. This little muthafucka jus refuses to let his career die wit some honor or dignity nahmean. Word is bond this nigga is his own worst enemy too yo. The last time anybody took this nigga serious Lil Kim was still mostly made of human body parts son. Callin this nigga a clown would be givin him too much credit nahmean. If I see the nigga Imma slap his head n torso off his legs. Word is bond. Ayo Bow Wow you better stay ya bitch ass out the gods way son. If I see you Imma throw all 80 pounds of you as far as I can off the top of a buildin n then run down the stairs n hop in my whip n chase you as you flyin across the sky n hit you wit my car jus as you bout to land n then smash the whip into a brick wall son. You been warned son.
This nigga looks like a transgender Vietnamese prostitute that got abducted by aliens n was cloned but never really finished the process of turnin hisself into a actual human n shit so he came out lookin like he do...but he still part alien n only kinda human lookin now namsayin. Or some shit like that. Son looks like Wiz Khalifa n Dennis Rodman's love child or some shit son. But that aint even the problem wit this nigga g. This niggas music sounds like shit you hear when you see a geisha twirlin ribbons in the air n shit namsayin. To top it all off the nigga be lookin more suspect than two niggas sharin a hot dog from opposite sides n meetin in the middle nahmean. Am I the only one thats seein this shit? Son looks like a fuckin lesbian yo. The nigga probably marinates hisself in lotion for hours when he gets home son. Why is this nigga even here yo?
2. Yung Berg
Callin this nigga a failure is not givin him enough credit namsayin. Straight up. Technically this nigga has already mastered failure n moved on to the level that comes after failin tho. Son has evolved past bein a regular failin ass nigga. This nigga has developed his own science when it comes to that shit....its "quantum failure" nahmean. This nigga can fail without even bein awake yo. Son can fail in a dream n bring that shit back wit him to his conscious state namsayin. The nigga can inception fail his way thru life. The nigga can find the fail buried 4 levels deeper under the failure that you actually see. The nigga can fail about 78 times per heartbeat g. In fact by the time you finish readin this sentence the nigga will have failed approximately 468 times namsayin. This nigga is usin methods of failure that niggas aint even seen since the ancient Mayans n Egyptians was on earth still yo. This nigga is usin approaches to failin that brought upon the destructions of entire ancient civilizations son. Think its a game yo? This nigga takes his failure very fuckin seriously son. He dont want no failures happenin unless he involved. No chains snatched...no faces smacked...no nothin. A nigga falls off his bike in the park....he wants IN.
1. The many sides of Drake
This is a conflicted nigga rite here. If this aint a nigga wit a identity crisis I dont kno what is namsayin. First you got the Drake thats like the Taio Cruz of hip hop. The nigga got the most bitchmade voice on earth so its not like it takes son much effort to go FAM (Feminine As a Muthafucka) on a track. But then you look again n the niggas hollerin soo woo n twistin his fingers in all sortsa stupid ways while he takin a picture wit Jeezy. Then you hear the nigga promisin to wife any broad that glances in his general direction in a song. Then theres Drake who dont give a fuck bout a bitch or a hoe. Then theres Drake who will snuggle up in a broads lap n fall asleep. We all kno who the real Drake is but son wants to have his cupcake n eat it too namsayin. First off this nigga had approximately zero male role models in his household to look up to while he was growin up. So it aint came as no surprise to his moms when son had a Jack Sparrow walk n stuck his pinky out when he held his teacups. Sonint nobody mad at the nigga for all that effeminate shit. That cornball shit aint the facade. Its the fake ass shit that niggas cant look past namsayin. Ayo son...will.i.am. is a corny nigga too. That nigga Travie McCoy a corny nigga. Even Will Smith is a corny nigga. But those dudes stay in they own lane. They jus some pop niggas. So nobody got problems wit em. Even Nelly accepted that he was better off livin his life as a pop nigga n stopped talkin bout street sweepers n blowin weed in his hooks namsayin. But them dudes dont represent US as a culture like that. If this nigga wanna step up n be the face of hip hop n talk bout how he gon follow in the footsteps of niggas like Jay-Z then he better rep the culture correctly. Otherwise he need to take his Febreze-garglin, B-throwin, hoe-savin, bubblegum R&B ass home son. That bein said....
THE FIRST INDUCTEE INTO THE SOFT NIGGA HALL OF FAME IS..........
AUBREY DRAKE GRAHAM
Congrats to that nigga. He earned it namsayin. Before I wrap this shit up tho I jus wanna say that these little niggas need to stop talkin nonstop bout makin it someday n becomin successful n bein famous n all that nahmean. Niggas thats true to they hearts bout what they do jus make they art however they wanna make it son. The fame n all that is jus the benefits that come along wit stayin true to yaself. Eybody that raps wanna be famous n get money yo. Its been that way since Sugar Hill son. But niggas like Big Sean n that nigga J. Cole followed in the footsteps of that diva nigga Drake n made that shit the subject of half they songs yo. Cmon son. Niggas dont need to hear bout all that bitterness n that "Im bout to get on" shit on half the joints you makin n shit nahmean. Smarten up little niggas.
Dude's constant hate on Drake is absolutely hilarious. And the Burg paragraph? Genius. Anyway if you want to read more hilarious commentary on the rappers you love to hate visit my man's blog right here -----> bigghostnahmean.blogspot.com